Pragmatic Mom

January 28, 2010

13 Ways to Raise a Non Reader

by Dean Schneider and Robin Smith

I found this poster by Horn Book at my preschool.  One of our assistant teachers was a children’s librarian and got this at a library conference.  Hope you love it as much as I do.  Because, of course, we all want to raise kids who hate books!  🙂

1.  Never Read where your children can see you.

2.  Put a TV or Computer in every room.  Don’t neglect the bathrooms and kitchen.

3.  Correct Your Child every time she mispronounces a word.

4.  Schedule Activities every day after school so your child will never get bored.

5.  Once your child can read independently, Throw Out The Picture Books.  They’re for babies!

6.  Don’t Play board games together.  Too dull.

7.  Give little Rewards for reading.  Stickers and plastic toys are good.  Money is even better.

8.  Don’t expect your children to enjoy reading.  Kids’ books are for Teaching vocabulary, proper study habits, and good morals.

9.  Buy only 40-Watt Bulbs for your lamps.

10.  Under NO circumstances, read your child the same book Over and Over.  She heard it once.  She should remember it.

11.  Never allow your children to listen to Books on Tape, that’s cheating.

12.  Make sure your kids only read books that are “challenging.”  Easy Books are a complete waste of time.  That goes double for comic books and Mad Magazine.

13.  Absolutely, positively No Reading in Bed!

December 15, 2009

Women Over 40 by Andy Rooney of 60 Minutes

In case you missed it on ’60 Minutes’, this is what  Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:  
    

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)    
  
Ladies,
   
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all.  Here are just a few reasons why:  
   
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, ‘What are you thinking?’  She doesn’t care what you think.  
 
 
If a woman over 40 doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around whining about it.  She does something she wants to do.  And it’s usually something more interesting.
 
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.  Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think of her or what she’s doing.
 
Women over 40 are dignified.  They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.  of course, if you deserve it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it…
 
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.  They know what it’s like to be unappreciated.
 
Women get psychic as they age.  You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.  They always know.
 
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. 
 
Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you stand with her…
 
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.  Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal.  For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress.  
 
Ladies, I apologize for all of us.
 
 
Andy Rooney
——-
   
For all those men who say, ‘Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’, here’s an update for you.  Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage.  
 

Why? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!    
   
Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!
 

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.